realization

i’d never realized how dead i felt until you

a chance meeting turned my life around in an instant

i knew it the moment you turned around and offered me a blunt

i knew that i’d feel more alive with you than i’d ever felt in my life

who knew my secret staircase rendezvous would be my dirty little secret? my choice of poison.

in the absence of love- of you

what do i do? how do i feel?

without love, what am i? can i exist without having someone to make me feel alive? can i exist without your kiss?

the fire that burns in the pit i call my soul yearns to be near you

like a spark flittering away from a flame i so desperately want to come towards you

you make my skin crawl in the most pleasant way possible

you make my stomach fall upon itself like a new born baby that just learned to walk

and even that, my legs are putty when you kiss me

knees? never had those in my life once our lips connect

it’s no longer your lips and my lips it’s our lips

no longer is it your breath and my breath it’s our breath

in the absence of you i feel nothing

in the absence of you no longer do i have respite from the feeling of lemon juice continuously being poured into a wound that just won’t quite heal

in the absence of you i realize the hell i live in; because thirty minutes in a staircase with you beats a lifetime of punching walls, crying in my car and wishing i hadn’t been so disappointed by God.